The land of the thoughts

This April seaside day doesn’t quite feel the same way as it did the other day, when Penelope’s Grandma was here to stay. 

The sea looked particularly blue today. 

Although it was hard to imagine exactly where Grandma was, Penelope’s Mummy had said that she can’t be with us at home anymore, and that she has flown magically with glorious purple and golden wings like the butterflies they used to watch with a telescope on dazey summer days. 

Grandma has gone to a heavenly garden where it is always spring, where Grandpa waits with homemade cakes, probably carrot and walnut as that was always her favourite tea party choice. 

Penelope’s Mummy said that she could Imagine Grandma with symmetrical wings like a Butterfly, because she always thought with kindness and then did with kindness. 

Penelope thought it was odd to imagine Grandma with Butterfly wings, as she was as human as a human could ever be in her mind. 

Warm hug, warm heart. 

Kind smile, kind words.

Open hand, Penelope’s hand. 

It was terribly difficult for Penelope to think about going to the beach without Grandma. 

It brought a smile to Penelope thinking about Grandma and Grandpa under the comfort of their favourite Sunday newspapers, that looked so big when they read them, and their eyes were so glued, that the newspapers almost looked like umbrella heads because they were holding them so high. 

Penelope would laugh because she thought it was silly to have an umbrella inside when it wasn’t raining. 

She just really missed all the fun seaside activities that they would do together. 

‘‘I bet Penelope, that Grandma and Grandpa are planting Peonies in the sky, and asking the sky’s watering can to drizzle over the blossoming flowers to help the sky look as beautiful and bright as it does often.’’ Mummy said happily, trying her best to make Penelope’s smile last for a little longer than just a moment. 

Although the pictures of Grandma and Grandpa gardening in the sky brought a smile to Penelope, if they really were gardening right now, the sky would be a lot brighter, and the sunshine wouldn’t have abandoned them. 

And how, oh how, could they Earth flowers if they are no longer on Earth? All of these confusing thoughts brought a frown to Penelope’s weary face. 

Penelope had turned down ice cream down from her mummy, it was much to odd to think about how it would look without grandma’s mint chocolate ice cream keeping Penelope’s chocolate ice cream company. 

The seaside will be here forever, and the seaside was Grandma’s favourite place, so maybe Grandma will be with me forever too thought Penelope. 

Penelope hadn’t thought of Grandma’s absence like this and she began to feel better. 

As the wave came in, Penelope could imagine Grandma’s hand on her shoulder protecting her from the sometimes unpredictable ocean, as the chilly sea water grazed her knee. 

And as the wave sleepily rested back further away, Penelope could feel Grandma’s relief in the ocean’s coo.

The closest we can be to a heaven or any form of after life here on Earth, is to wonder what lies above the clouds. 

So the nearest Penelope can get to Grandma is only the distance between the clouds and the soles of her feet. 

And if Penelope can look at the clouds each day, then Grandma is never that far away after all. 

A heavenly garden of thoughts sent from above to the people that remain can be quite beautiful, when we wonder what’s above the clouds.

Penelope was ever so glad that the clouds look so fluffy and light, so that Grandma and Grandpa have comfortable and welcoming pillows to rest their heads on if they ever visit the clouds from heaven, to be a little bit closer.

Maybe they sit on the fluffy clouds with English breakfast tea and watch over Penelope as she plays in the sea.

‘’I wonder if they think my backstroke has gotten better.’’ thought Penelope. 

Grandma’s favourite swimming style was Butterfly.

Grandpa’s was front crawl.

Infact, it was Grandma who told Penelope that she could find Grandpa if she looked close enough at the clouds too. 

Especially in the blissful haven of floating on her back in the sea, watching the clouds, connecting to Grandpa. 

Because there are faces and pictures to be found in the clouds. 

Penelope looked closely at the sky, and the whispers of Grandma’s pearly, curly, white and angelic hair formed in the clouds, wrapped around the sky. 

If she looked right above the sand castles she made, she could find Marmalade Jars with seville oranges chopped up beside it, floating on a cloudy breakfast table.  

How Grandma and Grandpa loved this breakfast. 

And if she looked above the fossils of the footprints on the sand, she could find gemstones on Grandma and Grandpa’s dressing table in the sky. 

With each fossil, a new memory to remember. 

When she looked to the right, she could see her seaside cottage sitting peacefully and patiently on its own, waiting for her to come back. If she looked above the thatched roof of the cottage, she could see gardens of daffodils planted in the sky making a safe haven of spring time right above their heads.

Spring is all about fresh starts and we know this to be true when the blooming flowers pave our way for a bit of brightness in our day. 

Perhaps Grandma became a gardener with Grandpa in heaven, and planted daffodils on daffodils so that our minds always flourish when they dream. And that the gifts of flowers and new beiginnings are a healing offering planted by Grandma and Grandpa.

Perhaps the garden of heavenly daffodils is also a bit like a dream catcher. 

While it helps make our dreams and minds flourish when we sleep, it also stops Penelope and her mummy to have nightmares too. 

And Penelope smiled. 

Lastly, she looked at the ocean’s sparkly coat. 

Grandma could never quite believe how fabulous the ocean is. 

Something so vast, 

so blue,

so deep,

so sparkly,

so welcoming,

And incapable of dying. 

Grandma would often say that the ocean was her favourite piece of jewelry to wear as she would float on her back, soak the blue sea in as she looked at the blue sky, in her own blue island of aquamarine gems.

As Penelope looked above the bed of crystals that were really the sun's love beaming down below, she looked above the blue ocean, and beyond the blue sky. 

Blue had been a vivid sight and a feeling deep down lately.

Further than the depths of the deep blue sea,

to the depths of her heart. 

She looked up to the clouds, to the picture of Grandma and Grandpa, painted with white paint, dabbed with cotton wool and smiling on the cloudy canvas in the sky. 

It was a painting of her favourite memory of Grandma and Grandpa. 

It was on Grandma’s birthday a few springs ago, and they were on a special picnic.

In a sunny spot right under the blossom tree that lives right next to the beach.

They laughed and ate birthday cake all afternoon long as the sun beamed a huge smile onto them, dancing in the sky as they sat in their joy, like a disco ball. 

And so, the sun danced a two step dance with the joy so deep within Grandma’s heart, Grandpa’s heart and Penelope’s heart. 

And with this fond memory, a fond town called the land of the thoughts opened in the mind of Penelope.

A place that she hadn’t visited until now. 

A place where she visited where Grandma and Grandpa visited at the same time. 

Where thoughts are boats and memories are islands where Penelope, Grandma and Grandpa can all sail on by.

A town built up of cherished memories, where she could visit and where Grandma and Grandpa could visit too. 

Whenever they liked. 

In the land of the thoughts, there is a beautiful library built alone in a meadow of daisies, with hundreds of books of all their stories together.

Penelope would read book after book of their adventures together, but her favourite one’s were the ones at the beach with their feet in the sea shore and the sand in their hair. 

Next to the meadow of daisies, deep in the land of the thoughts, there is a cinema screen, standing alone in serenity on a waterfall that plays wonderful, vibrant, colourful high definition film versions of their memories. 

There is even a film of a seal they made friends with on a blazing hot summers day that they called sully. 

‘’I wonder what Sully is up to.’’ thought Penelope. 

By the cinema on the waterfall, there are cupboards and cupboards and cupboards of videos waiting to be played of all their memories. 

Some memories are quite exciting like going canoeing with grandma and grandpa for the first time, laughing as they try not to fall in the water! 

And some memories are just of normal things like making pancakes on a Saturday morning, but are somehow just as special as the big moments, putting eggs and flour together to make something to share all together.  

The videos almost look like flowers the way they were all scattered around. 

And in the centre of the land of the thoughts, the reason the other thoughts propel around this one, is the treasured memory of Grandma’s birthday.

She saw their arms wrapped around each other, on their much used and loved picnic blanket with pink and yellow patchwork on it.

They ate the birthday cake, carrot cake with pecans and cream cheese frosting, and they drank tea that Penelope only likes when she has it with Grandma and Grandpa.

When they think of each other, no matter what time of day it is, Grandma, Grandpa, and Penelope find themselves on a sunny seaside day. Sitting on the pink and yellow patchwork blanket. Eating birthday cake. Finding a place in the blissful land of the thoughts. 

Often, they have these picnics together in the land of the thoughts everyday. 

And even when Penelope doesn't meet up with Grandma and Grandpa in the land of the thoughts, they are never more than one thought away.

One beach away. 

‘’I wonder if there are beaches in heaven too.’’ It brought a smile to Penelope’s face to think of Grandma and Grandpa sunbathing on a big fluffy cloud. 

Or splashing their toes in the cloudy ocean.

Penelope spends most of her days at the beach so from the clouds, Grandma and Grandpa have the perfect view of the beach they love, and of the granddaughter they cherish. 

Penelope realised that when she finds Grandma and Grandpa in the clouds, or in the land of the thoughts, or all around in the seaside air, that they aren’t too far away after all. 

Somewhere, they are all together. 

Penelope held on close to her memories as a child, and even closer to her memories as she grew and understood them in different ways.

That is the wonderful thing about memories, they stay the same but have new meanings and sequels as we get older.

Penelope could always visit Grandma and Grandpa deep in the heart of the land of the thoughts. 

They had a little pink thatched cottage, with a flourishing garden, like they had here by the sea.

Nestled in the clouds.

With clouds and clouds of neighbours who live in their own cloud cottage, regularly having garden parties, helping each other plant and garner new life. 

They always were home birds.

The memories that she had found in the clouds had cloaked around her and the sadness that Grandma’s ice cream wasn’t sitting in her hand next to her didn’t make her sad anymore, as she knew Grandma and Grandpa were sitting with their 99 flake ice creams up above the clouds too, watching over her.

They could all be eating ice cream at the same time. 

The ice cream was gobbled down almost as quickly as one wave rolled onto the sand, slightly touching the tips of her toes. 

It was the most perfect ice cream Penelope had ever had.  

Penelope hopes that anybody else who misses someone dear, that they aren’t too far away for you either. 

Perhaps you may find them all around, or in the land of the thoughts where your favourite day is.

Perhaps you find them in the clouds.

And if it’s cloudless today, then it just means you have to look elsewhere for the memories. 

Perhaps at the smiling sunshine’s company that reminds you of a summer holiday, or the way the blossom falls gracefully from the trees that reminds you of spring. 

Perhaps through a photograph or a recipe.

Or perhaps you find the memories by making your own seat on the sand,

Taking it all in. 

Thoughts and memories ebb and flow like the trepid or serene melody of the waves.

Let the bite of the air in on a wintery day, or the blazing heat of a july mid afternoon, or the crisp clarity of autumn changes, or the cool in between of graceful spring. 

Embrace the person you miss in the land of the thoughts.

Watch the memories paint on each nourishing wash of a wave. 

Find the person you miss with each breath of nature.